The Lies I Tell My Family (And Why I Have To)

Posted by Julia | 7 min read

My parents think I'm paying for college through a combination of student loans, tutoring, and freelance consulting work.

My mom is proud that I'm "so independent and resourceful," finding ways to support myself without asking them for money.

If she knew the truth about how I'm actually paying for school, it would destroy her.

The lies started small and have gotten more elaborate over time. When I first started escort work, I just avoided talking about money or work with family.

But parents ask questions. "How are you managing financially?" "Are you getting enough to eat?" "Do you need help with anything?"

So I created this whole fictional consulting business where I help other students with their online marketing and social media. It explains why I have irregular income, why I work weird hours, and why I can afford things that seemed out of reach on a student budget.

I've gotten so good at this lie that I sometimes half-believe it myself.

My younger sister thinks I'm amazing for figuring out how to make money from home while going to school. She asks for advice about building her own online business.

Those conversations are painful because I want to be helpful and supportive, but I can't share any real information about how I actually make money.

The hardest part is holidays and family gatherings when everyone wants to know about my life and I have to perform this whole fictional version of who I am.

"Tell us about your clients," my dad says. "What kind of consulting do you do for them?"

So I make up stories about helping local businesses with their websites and social media strategies. I've become an expert at creating believable but vague details about work that doesn't exist.

My extended family thinks I'm this successful young entrepreneur who has everything figured out. The disconnect between their perception and reality is enormous.

The secrecy affects family relationships in ways I didn't expect. I used to be really close with my mom, but now I feel distant because I can't share anything real about my life.

She knows something's different but assumes it's just normal growing up and becoming independent. She has no idea that the distance comes from keeping such a huge secret.

My family would be hurt and disappointed if they knew, not just about the work but about the lying. The deception has become almost as problematic as the original secret.

But I can't figure out how to be honest without destroying relationships with people I love.

My parents are traditional and conservative. They'd see this work as dangerous and degrading, and they'd blame themselves for not providing better financial support for college.

They'd worry constantly about my safety, probably try to convince me to quit, and never be able to look at me the same way again.

So I keep lying, and the lies keep getting more complicated.

I have fake business documents on my laptop in case anyone asks to see them. I've created social media accounts for my fictional consulting business. I practice stories about my fake clients so the details stay consistent.

Sometimes I wonder if this elaborate deception is more exhausting than the actual escort work.

But I can't see another option that doesn't involve losing my family's respect and causing them enormous pain and worry.

The isolation is getting worse though. It's lonely maintaining these elaborate lies with people you love, and it's getting harder to remember what parts of my life are real versus what parts are performance.