Winter Sucks: Seasonal Depression in Sex Work

September is the worst month in this business, and not just because everyone's broke after the holidays.

The combination of seasonal depression, slow business, and being stuck inside with your thoughts is brutal in ways I wasn't prepared for.

Last January, I went twelve days without leaving my apartment except to buy groceries. No appointments, no social plans, just me and Netflix and an increasingly messy living space.

The lack of sunlight affects everyone, but when your work involves being charming and emotionally available for other people, seasonal depression hits different.

I remember having an appointment in late January with one of my regular clients, and I could barely fake enthusiasm. He could tell something was off and kept asking if I was okay.

How do you explain that the combination of winter darkness, social isolation, and doing emotional labor for work when you're barely holding it together personally is making you question everything?

The slow season makes it worse because you have less money coming in but more time to sit around thinking about all the ways this work is complicated and unsustainable.

February is usually better because of Valentine's Day demand, but getting through January feels impossible every year.

This past winter I finally got one of those light therapy lamps, and it actually helped. I also started taking vitamin D supplements and forcing myself to go for walks even when it was cold and gray outside.

But the hardest part of seasonal depression in this work is that you can't really take time off to deal with it. If you're not working, you're not making money, and bills don't pause for mental health breaks.

I've learned to adjust my expectations during winter months and be more forgiving with myself about productivity and emotional availability.

Winter in this industry is just something you have to survive rather than thrive through.